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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/30131631">4am Kitchen Madness</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/2degressAM/pseuds/2degressAM'>2degressAM</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Batman - All Media Types</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Birthday, Birthday Cake, Bruce Wayne Needs a Hug, Bruce Wayne is a Good Parent, Fluff, Funny, Humor, Light-Hearted, Mild Language, No Angst, One Shot, Tired Bruce Wayne, batman tries to cook, bruce wayne blowing up a kitchen, damian not impressed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-03-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 16:33:33</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,590</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/30131631</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/2degressAM/pseuds/2degressAM</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Batman's kids get woken up by loud sounds coming from downstairs. When they all rushed to check the situation, they find a completely destroyed....Kitchen. And in the middle of this mess, stand the Batman. Well, Bruce at the moment.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Batfamily Members &amp; Bruce Wayne, Clark Kent/Bruce Wayne (mentioned) - Relationship</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>230</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>4am Kitchen Madness</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>thought it was funny that Bruce can do anything but cook, so I wanted to write something about that, it cracks me up so much. Hope you guys enjoy it!!! ps. I don't have a lot of superbat in this, I only included a little bit for humor, teehee &gt;:D.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <b>THOOOM. </b>
</p>
<p>
  <b>CLaaaaAAACK.</b>
</p>
<p>
  <em>What the hell is going on.</em>
</p>
<p>          Dick jerked awake at the sound of an explosion. He rubbed his eyes, looked to the clock,<em> 4am.</em> His brain took about 5 second to register the sound, which is awfully slow for nightwing, but then again, it was a long night of patrol. <em>The sound came from somewhere in the manor, </em>he thought as his blood froze. It could be someone breaking in, it could be people trying to kidnap Bruce. Ah, shit. He leaped off his bed, still in his bat pjs, and opened his door—— only to slam the door into someone. </p>
<p>          “Fuck!!” The man yelled. Dick immediately got into a defensive position, and delivered a fist for the man’s face and… The man caught it with one hand. Dick’s eyes widen, this person must be trained well… “RICHARD! It’s me! What the fuck are you doing!”</p>
<p>           Oh.</p>
<p>           <em>Oh.</em></p>
<p>          “Oh shit. Thought you’re a robber.” Dick rubbed the back of his neck, and yawned, “Guess not.”</p>
<p>          “Language, dicky.” Jason snorted while dick rolled his eyes, “never thought I’d get a chance to say that to you.”</p>
<p>           “Give me a break, it’s 4am, and did you hear the sound?”</p>
<p>           “Of course I did. I was on my way down to investigate when you slammed a door in my face, <em>then</em> wanted to punch me in the face. You really do hate me.”</p>
<p>           “What is going on?” Came a younger voice down the hall, Damian.</p>
<p>           “Dunno.” Jason shrugged, “We’re going down to check.”</p>
<p>           “I shall come with you,” Damian stated.</p>
<p>           “We better hurry, who knows if someone is actually breaking in,” Dick said while rushing down the stairs, the other two followed right behind. </p>
<p>           “Something smells burned.” Damian sniffed, then wrinkled his nose.</p>
<p>           “The kitchen.” Jason asserted. Then he realized something, “Oh shit. You thinking what I’m thinking?”</p>
<p>           “<em>Language,</em> Jay.” Dick sighed, “And yes. I am thinking the same thing you are thinking.”</p>
<p>           “What are you thinking?” Damian asked, bewildered.</p>
<p>           “Little wing, you would find out soon enough. Now let’s head for the kitchen.” Jason smirked, “This has happened before...oh, get a phone ready.”</p>
<p>           As the three approached the kitchen, the burned smell got stronger. Before their eyes was a completely destroyed room—— there were pieces of metal remains on the floor, pots and knives in the sink, some suspicious looking goo was covering half of the Kitchen wall, there were even some on the ceiling. Towels were tossed everywhere, and somehow the stove was <em>literally</em> frozen. And in the middle of the mess, stands the legendary… drumroll please….. Batman. Well, Bruce at the moment. He looked absolutely clueless, and his face was covered in sweat and dust. One of his hands had an oven mitt on, and the other one… have a giant, burned hole in it. He stood there, the once white apron now covered in goo and oil. </p>
<p>         The look on his face was <em>priceless.</em> Jason quickly got out his already prepared phone and snapped a picture, grinning evilly. </p>
<p>         Bruce was startled by the sudden click of a camera, and he looked to the doorway...<em>oh.</em> His three sons were standing there, one of them holding out a phone with a sinful smile, one of them snickering into his hands, and one who looked absolutely unamused.</p>
<p>        Bruce blinked. “Um...uh, Did I wake you guys?” </p>
<p>        “Like hell you did. It sounded like three grenade went off in here.” Jason barked in laughter.</p>
<p>        “Father, what are you doing at this time of the day?” Damian asked, crossing his arms.</p>
<p>        “I.. uh..” Bruce swallowed, “I’m trying to <em>*yawn*</em>... bake a cake.”</p>
<p>        “At <em>4</em> in the morning.” Dick commented incredulously, “Have you gotten any sleep?”</p>
<p>        “Yes… I mean, what? Sleep? Oh! No, I had a case to investigate and…”</p>
<p>        <em>Of course. “I need sleep” is written all over your face, Bruce.</em></p>
<p>        “Why in the world would you bake, father?” Damian shook his head, glancing over the damaged kitchen, “I know Pennyworth is in England, but if you really want cake, I am sure that you are financially capable of affording one for yo-”</p>
<p>        “Because it’s your birthday today.” Bruce cut Damian's sentence off clean, rubbing his eyes while trying his best to suppress a yawn. “Thought I could personally make you a cake this year… well, that didn’t go well.”</p>
<p>        “I- You remembered my birthday?” Damian was caught off guard, he stood there, eyes widened, mouth slightly opened.</p>
<p>       “Of course we remembered! How could you think that we would forget?” Dick said, giving Damian a tiny shove.</p>
<p>       “Damn, little wing, I’m hurt, I even bought you a present.” Jason dramatically covered his heart with a hurt face. </p>
<p>       “Well… I… you guys didn’t say a thing about it yesterday, so I figured you all forgot.” Damian protested, but a warm feeling tickled up his stomach into his chest. <em>They remembered.</em></p>
<p>       “Chum, I always remember your birthdays.” Bruce groaned, looking around at the mess with his sleepy eyes. </p>
<p>       “In fact, his encrypted files on the watchtower are partly infused with our birthdays, no comments on how we figured that out.” Dick laughed, “And, Bruce, what the actual hell did you do in this kitchen??”</p>
<p>       Bruce tried to blink the drowsiness away, then mumbled “I followed the recipe.”</p>
<p>       “I don’t think the recipe says to ‘blow up a kitchen’.” Jason snorted.</p>
<p>       “I didn’t blow it up, it blew up on itself!” Bruce argued. “Besides, it’s only a microwave.”</p>
<p>       “You blew up a microwave.” Dick quirked his brow, amused, “even little D knows how to use one.”</p>
<p>       “I know how to use it! But the egg blew up in it!” Bruce growled in frustration, trying to explain to his sons that their father is not s t u p i d.</p>
<p>       “B, you have the knowledge of operating a spaceship, taking down metas, defusing complex bombs, murdering people with your glare, and you’re telling me, you don’t know you are not supposed to microwave a raw egg??” Dick almost choked in his laughter.</p>
<p>       “How was I supposed to know? I don’t go online and search up ‘what not to microwave.’!”</p>
<p>       "There goes your saying "Always be prepared for everything."." Jason mocked.</p>
<p>        “Father, why were you trying to microwave an egg?” Damian questioned. He made cakes with Alfred before, they never, ever, microwaved an egg.</p>
<p>        “The recipe says it needs six eggs, I thought raw eggs won’t taste good in cake, so I figured I should cook them first.” Bruce shrugged, “how else was I supposed to get the egg cooked?”</p>
<p>        “First of all, you could’ve used a pan, second of all, you don’t need cooked eggs in cake batter!! That’s why we bake the cake after!” Jason replied, slapping his forehead with his hand, even he knows how to bake a cake.</p>
<p>        “...oh.” <em>Honestly, they are right, he is the frigging Batman who plans everything 10 steps ahead, but fails at baking a simple cake.</em></p>
<p>       “Jesus B, you’re lucky that Alfred's not here, he would never let you hear the end of this.” Dick joked.</p>
<p>       “Why is this cake mold covered in olive oil?”</p>
<p>       “It said ‘grease the pan’, isn’t that greasing the pan?” Bruce stared questionably.</p>
<p>       “Father, you use butter, not olive oil.”</p>
<p>       “...” <em>Now actually, why is baking a fucking cake so complicated?</em></p>
<p>       “Why is-”</p>
<p>       “Stop questioning my actions! I don’t know!” Bruce snapped, exasperated.</p>
<p>       “No, but the stove is literally <em>frozen.</em>”</p>
<p>       “It was on fire, so I had to put it out.”</p>
<p>       “With a freeze pill you use against clayface?” Dick howled in laughter, already forgotten about sleeping, “oh, this is too good.”</p>
<p>       “Shut up Richard.” Bruce grunted, looking away at his ‘work of art’.</p>
<p>       “Well, we still got to get this cleaned up, old man.” Jason hummed, “here’s the plan: you go up and get some sleep, while we deal with this.”</p>
<p>       “No, I am going to clean this up!” Bruce protested.</p>
<p>       “Dad, it’d be a lot easier if you don’t blow anything else up. Besides, you look like you don’t even know what you’re doing,” Dick agreed with Jason, “How long have you not sleeped?”</p>
<p>       “Just three days… maybe, maybe four.” Bruce muttered under his breath.</p>
<p>       “Yep, you’re going to bed.”</p>
<p>       “We can go order a cake with your money after we wrap up here.” Jason smirked, “I am <em>quite</em> sure that our old man <b>is</b> financially capable of buying a cake.”</p>
<p>       “Well, happy birthday, little wing.” Dick smiled, and squished Damian in a bear hug. “That was certainly a rollercoaster and a half.”</p>
<p>       “Nng… Grayson! Stop hugging me! Let go!” Damian squirmed in Dick’s crushing embrace, trying to push away.</p>
<p>      Bruce’s communicator started to quack… literally. He groaned, this was a bet he lost with Clark, and he had to change the ringtone to duck sounds. Now his kids are just giggling at the ringtone. <em>Clark, I am so going to kill you with kryptonite next time we meet.</em></p>
<p>       “Heyyyy, B” Clark’s voice came through the comms.</p>
<p>       “What. Do. You. Want. This line was meant for emergency calls only, kent.” Bruce snarled, clearly frustrated, "Do I also need to make it clear it's <em>4</em> in the morning?"</p>
<p>       “<em>4:12, and 34..35 second.</em> Anyways, I heard a small explosion somewhere around your house. I was worried, then I heard your conversations.” Clark grinned, not that Bruce can see it from the other end of the line. “I can help clean up and baking a cake, and maybe some pie to-“</p>
<p>       “Fuck. Off. Kal.”</p>
<p>       “Language!” All four of them said in unison.</p>
<p>       “...I hate you all.”</p>
<p>       “Love you too, dad.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Hope you liked it!! Please please leaves kudos and comments, they are my motivation. Btw, I do requests, as long as it's Batman/Bruce centered. Check out my other work!!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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